GMH

I've always had friend issues. I'm the kinda person who constantly worries about things like if his friends actually like him, actually care for him, actually want to know me and want to hang around me. I'm paranoid that my friends aren't actually my friends, I worry that I force myself on people and that I'm only invited to things if I'm within earshot of people at the time they were organising it. Basically, as I said in the first sentence, I have friend issues.

I think it's because I wouldn't want to be my friend. Although I try my hardest to be friendly, to have fun and to really put effort into my friendships, I don't feel as if I've got anything to offer them. I'm quite picky with my friends too, I surround myself with people who are determined, driven, confident and generally pretty happy and fun. Most of these things I'm not. And although I try and use them to bring me up, most of the time I feel as if I'm bringing them down.

I have many groups of friends: church, course, online, etc. I have friend issues with people in all these groups, for different reasons. But there's one group who prove to me over and over again that they actually want to be my friends. That's my high school friends.

Today it was about 9:30am and I was just lying in bed awake. I got a phone call from a friend and it went like this

"Hey bud"
"Get out of bed, you're coming to the beach."
"...But I'm in bed."
"I don't care, you're coming to the beach."
"You don't understand, I'm in bed."
"Look. We'll be at your house in ten minutes. If you're not on your doorstep in boardies at that time, we're pulling you out of bed."

And he hung up.

This single conversation pretty much epitomises friendship for me. He called me, invited me out, knew what I was doing before I told him, so many things which made me know that I was valued. This isn't the only thing, my high school friends are virtually the only people who invite me out to things, who I do things on a regular basis with, who I feel actually want me as a friend. There are exceptions in the other groups, people who I feel value me, but for the most part I miss this feeling in other groups.

I wonder what it is. Is it the fact I was there from the very beginning with the formation of high school friendship group, whereas I've joined other groups? Nah I was there at the formation of YMIS group, and I've been at the church for quite a while. There's always the Christian factor. As much as I don't like to admit it, some of the most judgmental people I know are Christians. Even though we're called not to be. It's funny, we're all accepting of those in other Social classes, such as the disabled or at-risk or unfortunate. But when it comes to people in our OWN social class, Christians hold no reservations in judging people it seems.

So basically, my high school friends Give Me Hope.