50 shiny cookies for anyone who can tell me where I got the title from. I don't care if it's from something else, you need to guess where I got it from.
I thought I'd elaborate on the point I'm pretty sure I made in my first post. I have a tendency to sorta leave things open for a bunch of questions, like 'why' and ''how' and 'what the hell are you on about'. Although I'm yet to actually be asked these questions, they're all pretty much assumed, especially the last one.
Drinking. It's stupid and silly and gay and stupid and silly.
I'd so much love to say "I don't drink", but I don't want to be chained down to that promise. If there's a special occasion happening and I'm in the mood, I'd like to be able to have a drink without feeling guilty cause I'm breaking a promise I made to myself or having someone come up to me saying "u'z a hippocrit OMG". I don't have any major moral objections to drinking, but I'm definitely not too fond of it.
If I had to throw enough alcohol to kill a small rhino into someone's hand and trust them not to get drunk, it'd be me. I see myself very responsible when it comes to such things. So really, I shouldn't have any objection to drinking because I know I can trust myself with it. I've only been drunk once and that was because I wanted to find what my limit was. Even then, I was aware that I shouldn't be doing anything silly because of my state of intoxication. I was very cautious.
Come to think of it, I don't have much to back up my previous statement of 'alcohol is stupid and silly and gay and stupid and silly', but really I don't think I need to. It's a choice I've made and you have no reason to look down on me if I choose not to drink.
Just to properly stress, I'm not backing myself into a corner by saying 'I don't drink', I'm just not going to drink.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
The Sacrilegious Consumption of Chicken
It is a well known and widely accepted fact that the Colonel is more God than he is human. I think the ratio lies around about 2 parts God for every 1 part human. From hundreds of thousands of different possibilities, he himself managed to pick out THE eleven secret herbs and spices which would culminate a feeling similar to sex, only in a delicious, edible form. Every day, millions (that’s right, millions) of people flock to his restaurants as a daily act of surrender to the immortal being known as Colonel Sanders.
However, I have recently seen a distinct lack of respect in worshipers towards the Colonel. I am appalled at the disorderly conduct of the general KFC congregation. So, I have created a document which describes the proper way to pay your respects. I demand that it be implemented into every restaurant immediately.
Pre Meal:
Before an order of sacrifice is made, worshipers must first declare allegiance to the Colonel. This can simply be done by kneeling in front of a picture of the Colonel, and stating out loud: “I hereby willingly hand my soul over to the army of the Colonel”. Statues can be implemented in more heavily attended restaurants. Once this is completed, and the Colonel is pleased, a meal can be ordered. This must be done by contacting a member of staff (who will henceforth be known as priests. Or chosen ones.) who will pass a monetary offering into a complex machine known as a tithe register, which bears resemblance to a cash register, but also displays many properties attributed to the ark of the covenant in the Christian belief.
Once the sacrifice of chicken has been made by a priest, it is placed in a bucket and handed to the worshiper, in thanks of the offering given. At this moment, the worshiper must once again kneel before a poster (or statue) of the Colonel, hold the bucket above their head and give thanks for the meal. This step is absolutely vital, and can result in excommunication if not conducted properly. After this, the meal can be consumed.
During Meal:
Many laws surround the consumption of the meal.
Post Meal:
Once the meal has been completely finished, it is to be followed up with a burp and a prayer of gratification. After this, worshipers are permitted to leave. Some believe that cleaning up afterwards grants good luck for the day ahead.
Miscellaneous:
This ritual must be performed at least once a week. Restaurants shall henceforth be referred to as shrines or temples. These are the laws which will ensure a pleasing attitude from the Colonel. Please abide by them to properly respect him for his great contribution towards the global society.
However, I have recently seen a distinct lack of respect in worshipers towards the Colonel. I am appalled at the disorderly conduct of the general KFC congregation. So, I have created a document which describes the proper way to pay your respects. I demand that it be implemented into every restaurant immediately.
Pre Meal:
Before an order of sacrifice is made, worshipers must first declare allegiance to the Colonel. This can simply be done by kneeling in front of a picture of the Colonel, and stating out loud: “I hereby willingly hand my soul over to the army of the Colonel”. Statues can be implemented in more heavily attended restaurants. Once this is completed, and the Colonel is pleased, a meal can be ordered. This must be done by contacting a member of staff (who will henceforth be known as priests. Or chosen ones.) who will pass a monetary offering into a complex machine known as a tithe register, which bears resemblance to a cash register, but also displays many properties attributed to the ark of the covenant in the Christian belief.
Once the sacrifice of chicken has been made by a priest, it is placed in a bucket and handed to the worshiper, in thanks of the offering given. At this moment, the worshiper must once again kneel before a poster (or statue) of the Colonel, hold the bucket above their head and give thanks for the meal. This step is absolutely vital, and can result in excommunication if not conducted properly. After this, the meal can be consumed.
During Meal:
Many laws surround the consumption of the meal.
- Every meal must have at least one serve of chicken and 100 calories.
- Meals must be wholly consumed within the building. Anyone who eats anywhere else is displeasing in the Colonel’s eyes.
- No artificial implement must be used to consume the meal, as it is considered to contaminate the food. The only exception to this rule is a little red plastic spoon which can be used to effectively eat Potato & Gravy (P&G).
- Chips have a set of regulations in the way they are to be consumed. If chips are included in the same meal as P&G, they must be individually dipped into the P&G until one is completely diminished. This is the recommended method of eating P&G (as opposed to the spoon method). If a burger is included in a meal along with chips, the burger must be opened up and have the middle lined with chips. This is regarded as the duty of worshipers and not of priests. If none of these objects are in the meal with chips, be sure that it complies with the first law. If so, they can be consumed alone.
- Unless you are under the age of twelve, or are ordering on behalf of someone aged under twelve, it is considered childish to include Popcorn Chicken in your meal. It is weak.
- Mountain Dew is deemed as the most pleasing drink to accompany your offering. However, all other drinks sold at KFC are still worthy.
Post Meal:
Once the meal has been completely finished, it is to be followed up with a burp and a prayer of gratification. After this, worshipers are permitted to leave. Some believe that cleaning up afterwards grants good luck for the day ahead.
Miscellaneous:
This ritual must be performed at least once a week. Restaurants shall henceforth be referred to as shrines or temples. These are the laws which will ensure a pleasing attitude from the Colonel. Please abide by them to properly respect him for his great contribution towards the global society.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
title
There is a direct relationship between the speed of internet and form of blogging.
Meaning, the slower my internet is, the less videos I upload and the more text blogging I do. Obviously because this takes much less bandwidth and time. But right now, I'm sort of in the middle of speeds. I'm still on dial up, but I also access broadband at the church on occasions if I'm there, and I have reason to believe that I'm getting broadband internet at home FINALLY on Tuesday. Though this news is coming from Telstra, and I'm not actually believing it until I have it.
So right now, I'm in the middle of two speeds. I'm at that exact moment were I don't seem to be video blogging at all, or text blogging! My online social life is completely disappearing! I've filmed a vlog, but I just can't upload it. Maybe Tuesday, we'll see.
But I also don't even have anything to text blog about. So blah.
Meaning, the slower my internet is, the less videos I upload and the more text blogging I do. Obviously because this takes much less bandwidth and time. But right now, I'm sort of in the middle of speeds. I'm still on dial up, but I also access broadband at the church on occasions if I'm there, and I have reason to believe that I'm getting broadband internet at home FINALLY on Tuesday. Though this news is coming from Telstra, and I'm not actually believing it until I have it.
So right now, I'm in the middle of two speeds. I'm at that exact moment were I don't seem to be video blogging at all, or text blogging! My online social life is completely disappearing! I've filmed a vlog, but I just can't upload it. Maybe Tuesday, we'll see.
But I also don't even have anything to text blog about. So blah.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I have an issue.
Over the course of my life, I have bought 8 pokemon games. Red, Yellow, Trading Card Game, Pinball, Silver, Crystal, Sapphire and Diamond. Yeah, I bet you didn't know I liked pokemon that much. I'm very mysterious like that.
There's a thing going 'round YouTube and my circle of friends where you find an old pokemon game and play through it using only one type of pokemon. I'd love to do it, but it seems that moving 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years has not faired well for my cherished games, and have gone missing.
I only searched for them for about an hour tonight, and I found Diamond (mainly because it was in my DS, but also because I'm awesome) and also the trading card game, which to me is by far the most useless one I could have found in this situation (possibly excluding pinball). Somewhere out there is my beloved Red with a CAUGHT Missingno AND A MEW! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. My yellow, which I clocked hundreds of hours on, My Silver which I got with a special limited edition pokemon Game Boy Colour (not the cruddy one either, the Gold/Silver shiny one!), my Crystal which was probably the pokemon game I played most religiously, and Sapphire which was the mother of all impulsive buys.
So as you can see, there's a lot of history in these games! And they can't be found! Because they've either a) been lost or thrown out in the move or b) been sold in a garage sale (which is so not cool - they are MY games!). So I'm a bit annoyed at the moment.
I'm going to have a proper look through all the boxes in the garage tomorrow. Even though I have a feeling Red + Silver may have been sold for about $5 each in a garage sale, I don't ever remember getting rid of Yellow, I'm absolutely positive I still have Crystal somewhere, and Sapphire HAS to be around as it's not that terribly old.
If worse comes to worse, I'll restart my Diamond game. Or I'll go to Gametraders or Cash Converters and pick up a copy. But you all would know how I'd feel about that. You don't get the same nostalgia if you have to buy it again. I'd much rather play with my game cartridge. That way I can play my old file for 10 minutes, delete it, cry for a few hours and then start all over again.
Damn Pokemon could never save more than one file....>=(
Who wants to help me search?
Over the course of my life, I have bought 8 pokemon games. Red, Yellow, Trading Card Game, Pinball, Silver, Crystal, Sapphire and Diamond. Yeah, I bet you didn't know I liked pokemon that much. I'm very mysterious like that.
There's a thing going 'round YouTube and my circle of friends where you find an old pokemon game and play through it using only one type of pokemon. I'd love to do it, but it seems that moving 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years has not faired well for my cherished games, and have gone missing.
I only searched for them for about an hour tonight, and I found Diamond (mainly because it was in my DS, but also because I'm awesome) and also the trading card game, which to me is by far the most useless one I could have found in this situation (possibly excluding pinball). Somewhere out there is my beloved Red with a CAUGHT Missingno AND A MEW! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT. My yellow, which I clocked hundreds of hours on, My Silver which I got with a special limited edition pokemon Game Boy Colour (not the cruddy one either, the Gold/Silver shiny one!), my Crystal which was probably the pokemon game I played most religiously, and Sapphire which was the mother of all impulsive buys.
So as you can see, there's a lot of history in these games! And they can't be found! Because they've either a) been lost or thrown out in the move or b) been sold in a garage sale (which is so not cool - they are MY games!). So I'm a bit annoyed at the moment.
I'm going to have a proper look through all the boxes in the garage tomorrow. Even though I have a feeling Red + Silver may have been sold for about $5 each in a garage sale, I don't ever remember getting rid of Yellow, I'm absolutely positive I still have Crystal somewhere, and Sapphire HAS to be around as it's not that terribly old.
If worse comes to worse, I'll restart my Diamond game. Or I'll go to Gametraders or Cash Converters and pick up a copy. But you all would know how I'd feel about that. You don't get the same nostalgia if you have to buy it again. I'd much rather play with my game cartridge. That way I can play my old file for 10 minutes, delete it, cry for a few hours and then start all over again.
Damn Pokemon could never save more than one file....>=(
Who wants to help me search?
Mitto-who?
I figured that I liked this whole blogspot thing. Much better than the emo LiveJournal that I keep forgetting to update. With saying that, I've been relatively good with updating it this month! I figure what I'm going to do is have this as my public blog, cause it's cooler and all with pictures, and keep the LJ as more of a personal blog. Which means it'll more than likely become friends-only blog, so if you seriously cannot get enough of the big M (worst self-given nickname ever), I suggest you first get some therapy, and then make a LJ account and make friends with me! I'm only going to re-friend people I actually know, so make it obvious! Like a comment saying "It's me, you idiot.", obviously replacing me with your actual name.
A little about myself. I'm an 18 year old student living in Australia. Let's break that down into detailed, nutritious bites, shall we?
Age. I turned 18 not 2 weeks ago. I've never really been the sort of person to drink (even when I was underage, everyone seems to do it nowadays), go to parties, socialise even. I was excited about being legal in so many aspects, but now that it's here I'm keeping a bit withdrawn for a while. I pretty much decided the week I turned 18 that I'm not going to drink much, party much. I'm not a typical 18 year old, really. I mean come on, I have a blog. :P
Student. I'm studying a Bachelor of Health Science at Griffith University. It's what I want to do, and I am enjoying it so far. Although I'm only in my first semester, first year, so that view is bound to change soon enough. My intention is to swap into Biomedical Science at the end of the year, complete that course, and then get into a Bachelor of Medicine. Yay Mat, let's get the hardest course you can think of AND DO THAT!
Living. Well, what I can make of life. At the moment I'm not doing much of that 'living' thing, as uni takes a lot of time and work isn't rostering me many hours at all. So I am hanging on by a string at the moment. I currently work at Pizza Hut Robina 3 and a-freaking half hours a week.
Australia. My home country, I adore it. I live on the beautiful Gold Coast, in Queensland. And there's pretty much no place I'd rather be. It is Heaven.
You can expect here general ramblings of my life, YouTube stuff, friendish stuff, uni stuff, work stuff, church stuff, whatever stuff and stuff stuff. Hope you enjoy. =)
- Mathew
A little about myself. I'm an 18 year old student living in Australia. Let's break that down into detailed, nutritious bites, shall we?
Age. I turned 18 not 2 weeks ago. I've never really been the sort of person to drink (even when I was underage, everyone seems to do it nowadays), go to parties, socialise even. I was excited about being legal in so many aspects, but now that it's here I'm keeping a bit withdrawn for a while. I pretty much decided the week I turned 18 that I'm not going to drink much, party much. I'm not a typical 18 year old, really. I mean come on, I have a blog. :P
Student. I'm studying a Bachelor of Health Science at Griffith University. It's what I want to do, and I am enjoying it so far. Although I'm only in my first semester, first year, so that view is bound to change soon enough. My intention is to swap into Biomedical Science at the end of the year, complete that course, and then get into a Bachelor of Medicine. Yay Mat, let's get the hardest course you can think of AND DO THAT!
Living. Well, what I can make of life. At the moment I'm not doing much of that 'living' thing, as uni takes a lot of time and work isn't rostering me many hours at all. So I am hanging on by a string at the moment. I currently work at Pizza Hut Robina 3 and a-freaking half hours a week.
Australia. My home country, I adore it. I live on the beautiful Gold Coast, in Queensland. And there's pretty much no place I'd rather be. It is Heaven.
You can expect here general ramblings of my life, YouTube stuff, friendish stuff, uni stuff, work stuff, church stuff, whatever stuff and stuff stuff. Hope you enjoy. =)
- Mathew
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